Getting Back to Basics
It’s been one year. One year since this yogi mama pushed out an 8-lb-er. One year since my right ham string feels like it’s shortened up about 1/2 a foot. One year since my body has shifted in ways that I can’t really explain but can just sense. Our bodies are so intelligent. The more we cultivate our innate intelligence…our inner knowing…by being aware of our breath, by moving our bodies and noticing the subtleties of those movements, the better we can show up for ourselves. The better we can show up for others. Do we have to be steeped in this awareness constantly? It’d be nice. But let’s face it – that’s just not reality! We have to always be kind to ourselves and meet ourselves WHERE.WE.ARE.AT. However, cultivating this inner knowing will certainly help us get through tough times. It will certainly allow us to be kinder to ourselves…more aware of others’ energies.
For one year, I have been craving to practice once again regularly with my teacher, Theresa Murphy. I have been mad at myself at times, I have done my own practice at home many times, and I have enjoyed my little peanut and tried to do yoga while he crawls all over me which makes me ecstatically happy, by the way. )
But the other day, my body, my heart said: GO.
Before this moment I probably wasn’t ready. But everything about my body said: GO. So I went. Before every class I’ve taught since I had my son, I practice. But I used to also go to several classes a week to surrender to someone else’s teachings, to learn from those even better than me, and to focus in a different way than I can at home.
During this time, my practice morphed. As I mentioned, my hammies tightened up so I’m not able to do certain poses that I used to, but then postures I wasn’t able to do pre-baby, I can now do with ease. I’ve had to notice in myself times of frustrations with these changes and breathe into a new day, a new practice and deal with every moment as it comes.
At this first class back, every time my body moved, even the times it may have cramped up a little bit, it thanked me. I paid attention to the way my spine moved, how it felt to stretch the ligaments that attach my legs to hips, my shoulders to arms. I noticed how different body parts felt now compared to the last time I came to an intense class. I noticed how the movements came from my core and how intentional I was with my movements instead of just moving unconsciously.
And after the class and for the rest of the day, I felt more delicious than I have in a long time (even though I almost fell on my head from fatigue when attempting my handstand lol). It’s this wisdom – this embodiment of the practice – that takes us on a journey that will challenge us and that has such a sweet and lasting effect, it’s difficult to stay away for too long.
In the end, buzzing with fatigue yet newness; fullness and light, I am so satisfied and craving more. Sometimes we have to be okay with getting back to the basics and starting anew. I give so much gratitude for my teacher today who I plan to see much more regularly…and to all my teachers whose lessons have stayed with me after all these years so that I have a strong at-home practice that I can access any time I want.
Gratitude.